Vacation Time!

The great thing about being a scary foreigner is that you can be a scary foreigner no matter where you go. Whether it's next door or a twelve hour flight away, you can always do your best to terrify those around you with how much of a nut you are -- not that I'm a nut. I'm classy.

So before I leave for Japan I decided to take a little trip to our island brothers to the west: Hawaii. Yes, the land of fun and sun and coconut drinks with little umbrellas poking out of them. I swear, if I'm given the chance, I'm going to drink nothing but coconut umbrella drinks.

On top of that, Hawaii also has a great deal of spiders (gross), humidity (yuck), a nonsensical rain pattern (I'm sure it's actually just going to rain for the whole week I'm there), and a whole bunch of Japanese tourists. From what I understand, the Japanese love Hawaii. Basically it's going to be a pre-Japan Japan, if you will.

Now I might not be the buffest or the tallest or the most devilishly handsome. Lord knows I'm no Zac Efron, but at the very least I can do my damndest to hold the title of Most Pasty White! I'm freakin' Polish and Scottish. We're not supposed to tan. We're supposed to live in cold rainy countries where our skin never sees the sun and we drink vodka or beer so we don't freeze to death, and for some horrible, awful reason I am DRIVEN to get some sort of color into my skin during my stay. Sure, I'll do it safely, I'll lather on the SPF 50 and all, but most likely it's really just going to turn into a really horrible mistake.

So I will march out there in my dinky little bathing suit and pasty white thighs and I will say "Here I am! Hear me roar! And at least I'm not that fat guy in a speedo over there!" because while I might sometimes be a scary foreigner, there are definitely times when others are a whole lot more terrifying than yours truly.

Don't worry. I'll take plenty of pictures.



Also, sky diving a week from tomorrow. WOOO!